Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
