Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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