dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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