I'm so fucking centered right now
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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