Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
