apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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