We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
its not stalking. its research.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
