Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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