I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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