After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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