Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
