That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
