3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
