No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
