if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
