Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
