i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
