dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
