Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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