I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
