You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
