i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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