You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
