the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
