Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
