I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
