i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
