somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
