Soap is not a condiment
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
