can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
