I cut my penus on the lid.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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