I faked an abortion last night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I would fuck him just for his dog
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
