if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
