with your own penis?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize