she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
