Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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