a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
