New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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