I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
im six kinds of drunk right now
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
