That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
