shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
