Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
