this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
