Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
