I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
