Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
