Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
