farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
