garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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