Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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