i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And then my night got REAL pukey
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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