some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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