How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize