My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
