Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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