still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
