those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
