New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I stole a fireplace last night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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