I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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