Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
