My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
In other news, I just burned my penis
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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