2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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