we have pet lesbian snakes
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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