you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
They are going to name an STD after you.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize