We're like a lot better than the average bears
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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