Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
