I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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