i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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