he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
