I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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