You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
