I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
