Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
