aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
