all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The air was thick with penises
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
