a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
