He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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