I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
