This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
