Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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