i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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