I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
