it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
