weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you had me at cake vodka
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
