I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
