ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
