sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think pants incapable of making pants work
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
