fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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