Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
