just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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