they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
