You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
