she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
