Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
