she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
