he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
