a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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