good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize