apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
