I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
