Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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