just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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