Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
