He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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